::sigh::   Leave a comment

i do dreadfully hate the way grades make me feel. the thots of grades, especially bad ones, make me feel so useless. i don’t wanna do anything, don’t wanna talk to anyone. it’s such a pain! argh! i wish my grades didn’t affect me so. i mean, it’s not like i wouldn’t care about them at all, i’d still care about my grades and stuff. but i mean, the prospect of getting bad grades makes me feel like i should be doing something about it. but what am i supposed to do? these are final grades, there is nOthiNg i can do about them now. so i then feel like i should be reading something or studying something…but what??? i mean…i know i need to do extra work to keep up with stuff over break but…finals only ended a few hours ago! can’t i even try to enjoy myself for the night? i’m watching mary poppins for heaven sakes! the happiest thing ever (the country fair scene)! and the only thing i can think of is…nothing!

and i have things planned for this break, sleepovers, meals, outings, movies and such, and right now i just feel so…ahhhh…like i won’t be able to let myself have fun doing any of those things!

it’s not even like…knowing i have bad grades. i just need to KNOW! you know?? like…i’m pretty sure i’m getting at best a bunch of Cs…but the…the dread of not knowing…is what’s getting to me. i keep checking grades every few minutes and my heart jumps and skips a few beats as i scroll down the page and no grades have been posted, ‘cept the two that i already know. ah it’s such a pain!

i hate how grades ruin my life! why??? well…i guess it’s not just grades. but the grades…the bad ones…lead on to my noticing my fatness, face…untalentness. it’s so depressing! i’m usually fine! or i can pretend to be at least. but i hate how grades, grADEs…GRADES!!! remind me of all those nasty worthless feelings.

depressedddd!!!

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Posted December 17, 2008 by .unpaused. in Life

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